Tuesday, 12 April 2022

League of Two-As-Four: Match One - Uzkulak Udugs v Skälsbërg Skrëëchers

Good afternoon, folks! A few weeks ago, my regular opponent Mangs-of-War and I got together on a calm autumn day to inaugurate a miniature Blood Bowl league.

..the teams line up! Here comes the kick!

Unfortunately, this was on 14 March, and I'm writing this nearly a month later, so I've forgotten nearly all the details. It's been an unforgivably busy month at work and with the Old World Army Challenge, with April not shaking out much better. This means that you will have to settle for some snapshots and my vague recollections.

On the other hand, this is the first match of the League of Two-As-Four, where Mangs and I take our four Blood Bowl teams and mash them against each other. Two coaches! Four teams! For games where we play against ourselves,* we will hand control of the team to the other coach. Fun! The team roster looks like this:

Team Team Name Coach
Chaos Dwarfs Uzkulak Udugs goblinpaladin
Human Skälsbërg Skrëëchers Mangs-of-War
Elf Union Saphery Strikers Mangs-of-War
Amazons Lemuria Leopards** goblinpaladin

For this first bout, the Uzkulak Udugs took the field against the Skrëëchers, here fielding an Ogre instead of Herr Skrëëch. Come below the cut for pictures and a match summary...

the players line up, orange-v-blue

It was a game of two-quarters-and-another-half. The first 'quarter' saw the receiving Skrëëchers smash a hole in the Chaos Dwarf lines and skim their faster runners through the field. There was a touch-and-go pass, some very skilful dodge rolls, and a sprint at the last.


humans knock over some stunties

a brawl on the Udugs' right flank

I think a human tripped on a dodge here

sloppy positioning from the corrupted dwarves

Big Guy brawl!

The Skrëëcher catcher - I really have to write down Mangs's character names - managed to get behind our lines and make a run for the endzone. I manoeuvred a hobgoblin lineman in a desperate attempt to block him...


..which ended predictably. The catcher picked himself up, dusted himself off, and earned the Skrëëchers a touchdown.

suck it, stunties

The second half of the first match had me receive, of course, but it was a slog to get it down the field. Mangs played a tight defence and really bullied me for every yard of ground. Unfortunately, a touchback during the kick-off meant that the ball was in the hands of one of the excellent Bull Centaur positionals...

first, we punch them in the face. what do you mean, 'then what'

his hands bloodied, this fellow caused a casualty ('badly hurt')

look at this ridiculous mess

that S5 sure is tricky

it was a gutsy move, but Nuffle smiles not for Man

Despite Mangs's best efforts, my 'Centaur was able to eventually crack the defences and make a sprint for the fences. 


We played out the end of the half in a messy brawl (that saw the other 'Centaur go to the injury box after an ill-advised block!).

Doom-Diver cam

We entered the second half at 1-1. A tough position for the Chaos Dwarfs, who need to grind down the pitch to score. I also neglected to take many photos of this half, as we were pushing at each other for the ball so intensely.

rocks knocked down several Udugs before the half got underway

'form up a cage, then push' sounds good in theory

..but often descends into a muddy brawl

action shot!

sports photographers take a lot of photos to get the good shot

After a brawl on the left half of the pitch for all eight turns, with the Skrëëchers holding me off the entire time, I finally got a hobgoblin through his lines with the ball. Mangs sent a man in to knock me down - as I had done in the first half - but rolled poorly. Even so, I needed to sprint to get the little green man into the end zone. The whole game down to those two or three dice rolls at the very bottom of turn 16.


And so the Uzkulak Udugs clinched it at the very last minute. A great, bloody game of Blood Bowl, filled with injuries and close moments. Absolute blast.

The Udugs gained $50,000 from merchandise sales, as well as picking up some (1) dedicated fans!

Nobody in the Udugs was permanently injured but we did gain some SPP, which I immediately spent on some rolled-for skills:
  • Bull Centaur (touchdown): Brawler
  • Hogoblin (touchdown): Block
  • Hobgoblin (random MVP): Tackle
Aside from Block, these skills aren't the most useful but that's what happens when you roll for skills.

I need to mark the players to distinguish them and remember names from game-to-game!

Mangs and I haven't planned the next game. To be fair, it probably shouldn't be either of the teams who have played a round, but I haven't painted my Amazons yet. So we shall see! Might the next battle report from me be the Lemuria Leopards in their debut match against the Saphery Strikers? If the Leopards are in their training greys, we may have to report without any images...

Tune in next time for more from the League of Two-as-Four!

*No, there is no official Slaanesh team.
**Unpainted, with name subject to change.

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