Match Recap: Despite turmoil on the pitch, Uzkulak Udugs defeat Skälsbërg Skreechers 2-1

 UZKULAK, ZU. -- Even bringing a screeching owlbear mascot onto field isn't enough sometimes.

Luckily for the newest Chaos Dwarf team out of the Great Skull Land - a region producing a number of great teams this season, including the Uzkulak Juggernaughts - their coach had the tools to handle the flailing mass of teeth and claws.

This Sunday saw the Uzkulak Udugs take the field in their first home exhibition game against the newly-reformed Skälsbërg Skreechers, coached by the infamous LMW.

the two teams line up!

The Skälsbërg Skreechers brought the team mascot, Skreech, onto the field, although your reporter is still uncertain whether the creature is a literal owlbear or rather two sweaty, confused men in an owlbear costume; certainly he hit a couple hobgoblins hard enough!

Skreech glares down the field

close-ups thanks to our sponsors at CABALvision™

Günter Fuchs and Khotar Burnshackler glower at each other

The humans certainly gave the Udugs a run for their slave-mined obsidian ore for most of the afternoon, scoring a touchdown early in the first half with some excellent passing play. The Dawi Zharr managed to equalise by the end of the half, with bull centaur blitzer Pazhkatur Firesplitter crashing through the Skreechers' defence in a classic Left Hoof Black play.

Jürgen Trinkenschuh opens the play for the Skreechers

A failed pass opens a risk for the humans!

Rarubar Cinderhammer makes a play for the ball, but fumbles the pickup!

Traditional Chaos Dwarf 'defensive' play

Some of the humans were not seriously injured...

"Look, it vas a game of two halves, ja?" said Trinkenschuh, one of the Skreecher throwers. "Zey are tough little buggers, but ve played like elveses and managed to get vun over zem, and zen zey played like little bastards and got vun over us. Zat sometimes happens in sports, but we can only do our best and maybe next time we bribe ze referee, ja?"

Skreech tears through Cinderhammer's armour, knocking the centaur about

Two Skreechers confront Okunhaz Sneakbag

Udugs make a play for Trinkenschuh (even though he got rid of the ball)

The first drive saw the humans make a combination passing and running play, throwing the ball around on the right side of the field and moving other players into the homeside's half of the pitch. There was a seat-of-the-pants moment where part of the passing went askew. Dwarfs, hobgoblins and bull centaur blitzers converged.

The scrum on the right side of the field

Alaric Haas is open...

A Goblin Doom Diver with a CABALvision™ box hurtles over the field,
giving us this excellent shot of the play at this point.
(His wages went to his tribe.)

The mascot Skreech entered the scrum and held off the Chaos Dwarf players, allowing the Skälsbërg Skreechers to get the ball out and over to the catcher Alaric Haas, who scurried it downfield in a relatively straightforward play.

..caught! Haas catches a perfectly-thrown ball, spikes and all!

(F in the comments to pay respects)

Udugs close around Haas...

..while the 'defence' continues on the line of scrimmage.

TOUCHDOWN! HAAS SCORES FOR THE SKREECHERS

"It vas easy, said Haas, who actually survived the game without injury. "Zey kicked us the ball and zen ve mostly kept it, except for a bit there. And then I scored vith it. I have this big glove, you see," he added, showing your reporter his big glove. It's pretty big.

Second drive

The second drive saw Pazhkatur Firesplitter smashing through the left flank of the Skreechers. The home coach had a graven tablet right there at the matchside, and could be seen frantically flicking through it to make sure that he had some idea of what he was doing.

Trinkenschuh cursed his poor luck...

..as the Chaos Dwarf offence pushed through and over him

The Skreechers did their best, it must be acknowledged

TOUCHDOWN! PAZHKATUR FIRESPLITTER SCORES!

"Praise Hashut, for He frees us from all cages and prisons, er, including those made by opposing sportsbeings in a sports game," mumbled Firesplitter during the post-match CABALference™.

Third drive, first half

A scrum forms on the left side of the field

Haas rushes for the endzone, but twists his ankle in the last ten yards...

There were only a few minutes left in the half after Firesplitter's impressive score. The Skreechers made a concerted effort, but Haas twisted his ankle ten yards before the bell. It's unlikely he could have made it before it rang anyway...

Our GobCam™ operators didn't catch it on CABALvision™, but Fenruk Filthnail, one of the hobgoblin linemen, did attempt to foul Kühn Kitzler, one of the Skreecher blitzers, when he was the pitch. He was sent off.

When the Udugs' coach tried to interfere, the World's Edge Mountain dwarf declared the coach a 'wazzock' and ordered him from the field as well! In today's day and age, a coach not remembering to bribe a ref is quite a shock. Neither coach nor ref offered comment to your reporter post-match.

SECOND HALF

SECOND HALF!

The second half saw the Skreechers kick to the Udugs, and right off the bat it went badly for the humans. The ball went so badly off-field that the ref was forced to offer a touchback and the ball was handed straight to Rarubar Cinderhammer.

He lost it almost immediately.

bit of a mess, really...

The Skreechers - including Skreech! - immediately piled into the left half of the field to stop the bull centaur rush they knew was coming. They managed to slam Cinderhammer to the floor, but Khator Coalfist managed to catch the ball despite his fat dwarfen fingers.

"Vun punch! Vun kill!" shouted Kitzler, despite not killing anyone

He was then pummelled by Kitzler and Trinkenschuh, working in tandem to get revenge on their bullish opponents.

The ball then made a series of rapid and confusing movements all over the field, eventually coming into the hands of  Yenhak Runtwound. Runtwound immediately sprinted for the endzone, and, well. Hobgoblins.

This is embarrassing for everyone

The ball bounces in a number of ways...

..here enhanced by CABAL-o-Vision HD™

A few members of the crowd not laughing too hard managed to throw the ball back into the field, where it promptly bounced back into the crowd, necessitating another throw-in.

Nearly everyone's down the other end having a bashup

After some more embarassing mistakes by the chaos dwarfs, hobgoblin lineman Bhaddug Luckgouger manages to both pick up the ball and bow-legged walk his way into the endzone, scoring the tiebreaking point for the Uzkulak Udugs.

TOUCHDOWN! BHADDUG LUCKGOUGER!

Unfortunately, by this late stage of the game, the Skälsbërg Skreechers were down no fewer than four players, including catcher Uwe Vormelker, who suffered such a badly torn ligament that he needed three surgeries and would miss the next game.

Only one player was dead, to be fair (Kaiser König).

Second drive, second half

The Skreechers' weakness meant that, despite their best efforts, they just weren't able to break through the Udugs' defence. They formed a strong cage around the ball carrier, thrower Bärbel Durchdenwald and made for the right-hand side of the field...

A strong formation from the Skreechers in the closing moments

Unfortunately, the Udugs are powered by literal demons (probably)

With only a few minutes left in the game to equalise, the Skreechers made a bold rush for the endzone. Unfortunately, the Udugs had kept some positions in reserve, and Durchdenwald was surrounded and brought down in quick order.

He survived, though.

The final scrum, surrounding Durchdenwald

INJURIES

Skreechers: Uwe Vormelker (catcher) will miss the next game due to surgery. Hans Hansbach (lineman) will recover in time for the next game, while Alger Eierkuchen (lineman) will not only miss the next game, but is likely to have ongoing pain from the triple-fracture in his left femur. Kaiser König will miss all games forever, being dead, unless recruited by an undead coach.

Udugs: None.

UP NEXT

The Uzkulag Udugs are considering requesting to join the Southern Valley Blood Bowl League's upcoming New World League. One exhibition game against another new coach isn't exactly league-winning material, though...