UZKULAK, ZU. -- A brutal offence is the best defence - but sometimes even iron and steak isn't enough.
The exhibition match between the freshly minted Saphery Strikers and home-mine heroes the Uzkulak Udugs ended in a crisp 2-2 draw on Sunday 08 August.
 |
| part-way through setting up |
We take you to our commentators, Jim and Bob...
Jim: This match summary is proudly brought to you by Orcidas.
Bob: ORCIDAS IS WAAAGH! IN, Jim
Jim: That's right, Bob. Their new line of Stabbas, the famous Blood Bowl boots, come with a whopping eighteen spikes, perfect for that late-game kneecapping. Orcidas: For running. For stabbing. For a complete Blood Bowl game.
Jim: The Saphery Strikers won the coin toss and made an aggressive opening to the afternoon's play, with a blitz that smashed through the weaker greenskin linemen.
Jim: Despite the coach yelling encouragement from the sideline (re-roll), Arabet Erwaek went down.
Bob: A beautiful sight, an elf hitting the ground. Reckon Dhaak Bazhoak might have been wearing Orcidas boots, gettin' a trip like that!
Jim: Very possible, Bob.
Jim: Very possible, Bob.
Bob: And there we have Shazuth Blackhorn crackin' #22's arm.
Jim: That's right, Bob. I heard this one from the box.
Bob: I love this game.
Jim: The Udugs didn't get it all their own way, Bob. Remember when Eldrin Holanelis cracked Fenruk Fithnail right in his green jaw?
Bob: Oh, it was a great hit, Jim. The lineman went down like a sack of iron ore!
Jim: He sure did, Bob. This allowed the elves their breakthrough!
Bob: Hurr-hurr, but then the Dwarfs made a desperate play, smashin' one of their linemen right into the elf ball carrier, knockin' the pale-skin clean out!
Jim: That's right, Bob, but Trekjag Wolflicker went down as well - a turnover straight back to the elves, who were able to dodge right through the dwarf lines...
 |
| TOUCHDOWN |
Bob: It was some excitin' football, Jim. You don't see skinny elves makin' bold players like that every Sunday!
Jim: It wasn't all grit and glory though, Bob. Those Elves threw that ball around the Udugs' backfield like it was warm to the touch.
Bob: That's right, Jim. Bloody elves can't be trusted to stand still with the ball and get 'it.
Jim: That was it for the first half. There were a few minutes left to play, but the coaches agreed to move rapidly to the second half. After all, it was just an exhibition game.
 |
| ..the set-up... |
Jim: Ah, but the Strikers made the mistake of kicking the ball too hard, sending it clear past the end-zone. The touchback saw the ball handed to the Chaos Dwarf blitzer, Rarubar Cinderhammer.
Bob: Them Bull Centaurs are tough, Jim. Fast, strong, and ugly. I love 'em.
Jim: Not great conversationalists, though, Bob.
Bob: They don't need to be, Jim! Look at this replay of Cinderhammer. Pow! Wham!
Jim: For those unable to tell through Bob's onomatopoeia, Eldrin Holanelis #51 made a rush at Cinderhammer, only for the 'Centaur to smash him to the ground with a spiked fist. An immediate knockout!
Bob: Blam! Crash! Hurr-hurr.
Jim: Quite, Bob.
Jim: Here we have a shot of Goraz Keenwin trying to wriggle past the attackers to defend his backfield, only to trip and sprain his ankle! He spent the rest of the game sipping wine, Bob.
Bob: That's right, Jim! If only he'd bought some Orcidas shoes!
Jim: Precisely, Bob.
Bob: The Strikers tried to form a cage to pin down the Centaurs!
Jim: That's right, Bob. The Dwarfs were in a tricky spot, but the coach managed to get the ball to one of the hobgoblin slaves - I forget his name. Bob?
Bob: Er. Ihazz....Greenskin?
Jim: I don't think so, Bob.
 |
| TOUCHDOWN |
Jim: That was it for the first half. There were a few minutes left to play, but the coaches agreed to move rapidly to the second half. After all, it was just an exhibition game.
Bob: Not at all in the spirit of the game, Jim. Where the senseless violence?
Jim: Couldn't agree more, Bob.
Jim: At any rate, it worked out for the elves. The Chaos Dwarfs just weren't able to pin the Strikers in place, and their linemen just couldn't catch them. The game was 2-1 as we went into the third quarter.
Jim: The Strikers moved their entire team to the north side of the pitch, forming a loose cage around the ball.
Bob: A cage?! From elves!
Jim: That's right, Bob. An unusual course of action for elves, who traditionally rely on the passing game. However, we must remember that this coach is used to managing humans.
Bob: I don't mind, Jim. Cage matches see more fightin'!
Jim: That's why elves don't usually rely on them.
Bob: Bloody elves.
 |
| TOUCHDOWN |
Jim: At any rate, it worked out for the elves. The Chaos Dwarfs just weren't able to pin the Strikers in place, and their linemen just couldn't catch them. The game was 2-1 as we went into the third quarter.
 |
| PITCH INVASION |
Jim: Especially when the invader is as cute as this.
Bob: That's right, Jim.
Jim: Plus, she ate a ref.
Bob: You love to see it, Jim.
Jim: Once again, the Strikers rushed into their backfield, desperate to halt the chaos dwarf cage.
Bob: They did wrap up the corrupted little blighters, didn't they, Jim?
Jim: They sure did, Bob. Unfortunately, those Bull Centaurs are hard as nails.
Bob: I can take 'em, Jim.
 |
| TOUCHDOWN |
Jim: With only a few minutes left on the clock, the two coaches called the game. A draw!
Bob: Not enough blood on the pitch if you ask me, Jim.
Jim: I agree, Bob, although I know better uses for blood than watering the astrogranite.
Bob: Hurr-hurr. Good one, Jim.
Jim: Thank you, Bob.
Well, that's it for this match recap. Due to the ongoing blessings of Grandfather Nurgle in the home cities of our two coaches, we have not seen any matches since early August. However, a winged familiar - ahem - small birdie told me that the Uzkulak Udugs' coach is considering taking on a second team soon. We shall hopefully bring you more BLOOD BOWL very soon.
Until then, good evening.
Bob: Good night, sports fans!
No comments:
Post a Comment